Google no poner el queso en la ropa interior del diablo.

What Google thinks my sister said:

Hey Mama had planned money if guys are having wanna follow up on people who else.

What my sister actually said:

¡Hola hermano! ¿Qué tal? Es tu hermanita. Llámame prontito. Adiós.

Google Got Drunk for St. Pat's

What Google Thinks My Voicemail Was: "Hey man, this is gonna flake everything fact that."

What My Voicemail Actually Was: "Hey, man, just calling to say Happy St. Patrick's Day."

Google: Are You Feeling Horny?

I've been meaning to post one of these for a while, but keep forgetting. I started using Google Voice a while ago, and I pretty much love all of its features... but in particular, I love the voicemail transcription. When someone leaves me voicemail, Google hops to work translating it into digital text, and then emails it to me and texts it to my phone.

One thing has become abundantly clear. Google doesn't know what the fuck my friends are saying. And it's awesome.

So:

What Google thinks my voicemail was: "Hey Taco, It's Brian called to see if you want to get together today. Give me a call for making breakfast. Right now [phone number removed] or 6 number which is that your number. Naked. Hey, [another phone number removed] Hi, [another number removed] . Talk to you later. Bye."

What my voicemail actually was: "Hey, Taco, this is Brian. Uh, called to see if you wanted to get together today. Um. Gimme a call. We're making breakfast right now. [insert phone number], or... Nick's number, which is... what's your number, Nick? [another phone number being yelled out from the background] Talk to you later. Bye."