Faceplant

WIFEZILLA: My boob itches.

TACO: Want me to bite it?

WIFEZILLA: It's kinda sweaty underneath.

TACO: Never mind. You're disgusting.

WIFEZILLA: Oh, like you don't get sweaty under your stuff.

TACO: That's different.

WIFEZILLA: How in the hell is that different?

TACO: I don't put my face in there.

WIFEZILLA: If you could put your face in there, we wouldn't have a house.

TACO: If I could put my face in there, there wouldn't be a we.

WIFEZILLA: Oh, come on!

"Special" eyes.

Finished filing my taxes. You'd think I'd file them early since the government always owes me money. But you'd underestimate my laziness.

Got promoted today. Weirdest promotion ever. The boss pulled me aside to ask me if I'd reconsider taking the job because they couldn't find anyone they liked for it, and they thought I was doing a really good job. Turns out to be the job I thought I already had. Banks are fucking weird. Everyone's some kind of vice president so you can't tell what your damn title is. Anyway, that misunderstanding cleared up, I jumped on it, so now... I have the job I I've been doing for the last four months, and thought I'd been hired to do. So yay.

Panicked phone call from wifezilla today. The dryer asploded. Pretty sure it can be repaired -- (the whole upstairs) smells like the motor just burned out -- but the dryer is 10 years old and wifezilla has hated it since day 1. So I'm buying her a new one. Whee.

Nothing makes me feel older than buying appliances. I think I may go buy a new video game to counter the effect. Perhaps that Dante based game Coyote wrote about.

Talked to wifezilla about hiring somebody to get the leaves out of the yard this year, since I manage to injure my poor joints every year, and the leaves wind up killing the grass while I recuperate. A couple of college age kids from the neighborhood came around looking for work today and said they'd do it for $75. That's a fucking steal. I think they're going to regret doing it. Or maybe not. They gave me one of those Come To Jeebus fliers as they were leaving. Maybe I should offer them $100 if they leave me alone about religion.

New puppeh is growing at an alarming rate. I sit and watch her for 5 minutes and I'm pretty sure I can see her doing it. Had her puppeh factoreh removed this week. The Dog Antipregnification Doctor said she's a fox hound. Our usual vet says she's a beagle mix. I'm siding with fox hound guy, because 1) I looked up AKC info and pictures when we got her, and that's what I think she is, and 2) it sounds cooler than "beagle mix."

The 1-800 Contacts "Special Eyes" commercial cracks me the fuck up. I imitate his "my brand!" exclamation for a solid 15 minutes after every time it comes on. Which pretty much means I do it nonstop from the time I get home from work until we turn the TV off and go to bed.

MY BRAND!

It's better than the miitard. And wifezilla hates it even more.

Which reminds me, Coyote, we have a new mail lady, and she asked wifezilla what the hell kind of name Yay Miitard is. I love that joke more every time it happens.

I'm not mature enough for this.

Found in the back of my daughter's activity book from the Easter Bunny.

FINISH HIM!

Each night, if they've been good, before they go upstairs, I play a game with the kids. They take turns picking the game. Tonight was my son's turn. His favorite game is currently Munchkin (which is an awesome damn game, by the way).

Since it was already rather well past the time they're supposed to go upstairs for the evening, we decided to play a short game, to level 5 instead of the usual 10.

The game started out reasonably well. He nabbed an elf card. I got a cleric card. He drew Divine Intervention, so I got a level. I drew Mithril armor.

He played the sex change curse on me. Crap. Penalty of -5 on my next combat roll due to distraction (hey, boobs!).

I kicked in the door and found a Plutonium Dragon.

Oh. Shit.

Dragon? Level 20. Me? Level 2 + 4 for armor, -5 for hey boobs!

So I throw out my Magic Lamp. Dragon go poof. Taco gets to take the dragon's treasure. That means drawing 5 treasure cards. Nice.

And.

I.

Drew.

These.

Cards.




I think I'm retiring from Munchkin. I'll never top tonight's game.

Well, Pappy O'Daniel liked it.

A series of text messages today:

TACO: me.setSunshine(you);

TACO: me.setSunshineCount(1);

TACO: if (Colors.GRAY.equals(sky.getColor()) you.getMe().beHappy();

WIFEZILLA: You = dork;

Shhh. Don't tell Coyote.

I'm finally watching Tropic Thunder.

Things That Happened Today

Difficult Thing That Happened Today:

TACO: Molly!

MOLLY: [trots up]

TACO: [tries to put antibiotic eye gel in Molly's eyes]



Awesome Thing That Happened Today:

FRIEND FROM COLLEGE WHO IS AN AWESOME DEVELOPER: Hey, I saw you changed jobs. Do you like it there? Are there any openings?



Inexplicable Thing That Happened Today:

RECEPTIONIST: I didn't get your RSVP for lunch because the invite was sent to a mailing list, not to you directly. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were coming. I didn't order you any lunch.

TACO: Cool.

RECEPTIONIST: I'm so sorry. It's not my fault.

TACO: Hey, if this is the worst problem I've got to deal with today, I'm having an awesome day.

RECEPTIONIST: You're not mad?

TACO: Nah. It's a nice day. I'm gonna go buy some lunch at the deli and eat outside. Want anything while I'm out?

RECEPTIONIST: Nothing ever gets to you, does it? Everybody else gets all mad, but you're always calm.

TACO: You really don't know me, do you?