Saturday, November 13, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Got her.
SPIKE: [NARRATING THE SCENE BELOW HIM] Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away!
WIFEZILLA: Oh yeah, like Spike's hair isn't all hair-gelled.
TACO: I knew you were paying attention!
WIFEZILLA: Was not!
WIFEZILLA: Oh yeah, like Spike's hair isn't all hair-gelled.
TACO: I knew you were paying attention!
WIFEZILLA: Was not!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
The Checkered Flag
WIFEZILLA: And then you do this when you finish.
TACO: ...
WIFEZILLA: Are you watching?
TACO: ...
WIFEZILLA: Watch.
TACO: ...
WIFEZILLA: [mimes]
TACO: We're never having sex again.
WIFEZILLA: Oh, come on. I bet I look funny, too.
TACO: I should've given being gay a chance.
WIFEZILLA: What the hell would that solve?
TACO: Better sexual mechanics. Gay guys wouldn't be able see what ridiculous faces I make when I cross the finish line.
TACO: ...
WIFEZILLA: Are you watching?
TACO: ...
WIFEZILLA: Watch.
TACO: ...
WIFEZILLA: [mimes]
TACO: We're never having sex again.
WIFEZILLA: Oh, come on. I bet I look funny, too.
TACO: I should've given being gay a chance.
WIFEZILLA: What the hell would that solve?
TACO: Better sexual mechanics. Gay guys wouldn't be able see what ridiculous faces I make when I cross the finish line.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Someone should invent antilock brakes for mouths.
WIFEZILLA: [sigh]
TACO: What?
WIFEZILLA: All the women at your office are so thin and pretty. I don't like it.
TACO: Well, they're a lot younger than we are.
TACO: Can I pretend I didn't say that out loud?
WIFEZILLA: Go ahead. That's what I'm doing.
TACO: What?
WIFEZILLA: All the women at your office are so thin and pretty. I don't like it.
TACO: Well, they're a lot younger than we are.
TACO: Can I pretend I didn't say that out loud?
WIFEZILLA: Go ahead. That's what I'm doing.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Did I mention nipple?
TACO: Your shirt is too thin.
WIFEZILLA: Why?
TACO: I can see your belly button. And is that your nipple?
WIFEZILLA: [looks at shirt and sighs heavily] No, that's a butter stain.
TACO: I'm going to pretend that's your nipple.
WIFEZILLA: That's not my nipple. [points] That's my nipple.
TACO: I'm not going to pretend that's your nipple.
WIFEZILLA: Why the hell not?
TACO: Because that really is your nipple.
WIFEZILLA: Why?
TACO: I can see your belly button. And is that your nipple?
WIFEZILLA: [looks at shirt and sighs heavily] No, that's a butter stain.
TACO: I'm going to pretend that's your nipple.
WIFEZILLA: That's not my nipple. [points] That's my nipple.
TACO: I'm not going to pretend that's your nipple.
WIFEZILLA: Why the hell not?
TACO: Because that really is your nipple.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Sarcasmotron at 82% Capacity and Rising
TACO: Wake up.
KIDZOOKIE: Nguh.
TACO: Why do you have a pink blanket?
KIDZOOKIE: It's Girlzookie's.
TACO: No, it's yours, isn't it?
KIDZOOKIE: Nguh.
TACO: Admit it. You want to be a pretty little girl. You wake up in the morning and go, "Tra la laaaaaa."
KIDZOOKIE: Yes. I wake up in the morning and go, "Tra la laaaaaa." Then I go outside and pick flowers, and look for rainbows, and then I ride a freaking unicorn. That's exactly what I do.
KIDZOOKIE: Nguh.
TACO: Why do you have a pink blanket?
KIDZOOKIE: It's Girlzookie's.
TACO: No, it's yours, isn't it?
KIDZOOKIE: Nguh.
TACO: Admit it. You want to be a pretty little girl. You wake up in the morning and go, "Tra la laaaaaa."
KIDZOOKIE: Yes. I wake up in the morning and go, "Tra la laaaaaa." Then I go outside and pick flowers, and look for rainbows, and then I ride a freaking unicorn. That's exactly what I do.
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