Compromise

TACO: You really ought to read the book I'm reading now.

WIFEZILLA: The nymphos one?

TACO: Yeah. I'd offer to read it aloud but, you know, the kids.

WIFEZILLA: Well, if you ever went to bed at the same time as me.

TACO: I'd go to bed at the same time for a blow job. Every time. I went to bed with you.

WIFEZILLA: Every time?

TACO: Yeah.

WIFEZILLA: I'll meet you half way.

TACO: Deal.

WIFEZILLA: Okay.

TACO: I'd like the second half, please.

WIFEZILLA: ...

TACO: *laughs*

WIFEZILLA: This is going on your blog, isn't it?

Highly Inappropriate

So when you're sharing a grown up hug, and you reach The Moment, never, never, NEVER yell out, "WHEEEEEEEEE!"

They don't think it's funny.

At all.

Learn from my mistakes, children. It's too late for me, but there's still hope for you.

God bless alcohol.

I tricked wifezilla into shacking up with me seven years ago today. Somehow, I've survived irritating the shit out of her for 2557 days. Those of you who know me understand what an accomplishment that is :)

Their brains are like little sponges.

So I very nearly taught my sweet little daughter the word fuck tonight. Fortunately, I worked harder than I should have this week and managed to turn a simple case of the creeping crud into what now feels suspiciously like bronchitis. The coughing fit that elicited the poetical utterance also rendered it unintelligible.

My daughter now yells, "Ock!" every time something annoys her.