I used to have some things...

...but I gambled them all away. I tried to get some more things, but I didn't have much money, so I could only afford some stuff. Of course, they don't make stuff like they used to, so it was broken all to shit within a few months. That's okay, though. Even though it's all shit now, it's my shit. I keep it all in a little pile in my room. It's very impressive. All my friends who've seen it, they all say, "Man, that guy really has his shit together." Except my wife. She's always saying, "Why don't you get rid of all this shit?" Which makes no sense. She wants me to throw away all my shit, but she's always giving me crap. I asked her why she was always trying to unload all her crap on me, and she said, "Women don't have crap. They have things."

I wish I had some things.