Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Donny, you're out of your element.

KIDZOOKIE: When I grow up, I'm going to open Kidzookie's Awesome Restaurant, and the largest ice cream cone is going to be this big. [gestures]

TACO: Really? Because at Taco's Awesome Restaurant, that's our smallest cone. If you order the large one, three waiters have to help you carry it to the table.

KIDZOOKIE: Well at mine, it takes five waiters.

TACO: If you order it to go, they have to bungee the cone to a trailer behind your car.

KIDZOOKIE: At mine, you need a truck to pull the trailer, and the trailer better be covered so you don't get bugs in your ice cream.

TACO: If you order the extra large, the American President invokes a police action against you so he doesn't have have to get a Congressional declaration of war, sticks you in Guantanamo Bay, executes you, admits he couldn't find the Weapons of Mass Consumption, then hangs around your house for years while Jon Stewart makes fun of him.

KIDZOOKIE: What?

Friday, March 25, 2011

My reputation precedes me.

TACO:  Am I going to have fun?

WIFEZILLA:  If I don't pass out.

TACO:  If you pass out, maybe I'll have a LOT of fun.

WIFEZILLA:  If I pass out, you can do whatever you want.

TACO:  ...

WIFEZILLA:  Oh, God, what are you going to do?  Fry eggs on my ass?