I don't care if she plucked puppies from god's ass.

Picked up The Plan today. Just finished watching it (and the extras). Awesome. It's almost like watching a behind-the-scenes flick on the actual plot. Maybe that makes no sense. Lots of fun, though, good story, and very good ending. I'm jonesing for BSG again. May have to binge on the whole series now.

Don't want to jinx myself, but I think the interviews are going well. Getting more excited with every iteration, which is something of a novelty for me. Supposed to schedule the next one on Monday. Woo.

Wifezilla wanted hot wings so we went to Hooters for lunch today. Lunch at Hooters on Halloween is a Very Good Idea.

There was a guy two tables over dressed as Joker from The Dark Knight. This was the most elaborate Joker costume I've ever seen. It was convincing enough that I was hard pressed to even attempt to dissuade Kidzookie from his assertion that he was the real Joker. I tried to get the kids to go over and ask the guy why he was so serious, but they were afraid of him. Asking him if he wanted to see a magic trick was also a no-go. On the way out, however, Joker got up from his table and approached the kids, and gave each of them a playing card upon which the Joker's face had been scrawled over the normal array of diamonds, clubs, hearts, or spades.

Completely. Fucking. Awesome.

The kids are now even more convinced he was the real Joker. Who knew the real Joker ate at Hooters?

I stayed at home to hand out candy while Wifezilla took the kidzookies out trick-or-treating. We ran out of candy, which I figure is the mark of a good Halloween.

Sometimes the jokes don't land.

INTERVIEWER: So I apologize if this question is too easy or is insulting, but you'd be amazed by how many supposedly senior developers can't answer it.

TACO: Okay.

INTERVIEWER: Can you tell me what a static variable is?

TACO: Yeah, that's when you rub two programs against each other and variables from one build up on the surface of the other one, right?

CRICKETS: Chirp! Chirp!

20 Questions (+/- 15)

WIFEZILLA: Why is the dog staring at me like that?

TACO: Because you have cheese.

WIFEZILLA: Why is the dog staring at me because I have cheese.

TACO: Because he's waiting for you to give him a slice.

WIFEZILLA: Why is the dog waiting for me to give him a slice of cheese?

TACO: Because he likes cheese.

WIFEZILLA: How does the dog know he likes cheese?

TACO: Because I give him a slice of cheese whenever I get one.

WIFEZILLA: Why do you give the dog cheese?

TACO: Because you told me to stop giving him dog treats.

WIFEZILLA: [sigh]

Ill Communication

PHONE: Ring, ring.

TACO: Hello?

WIFEZILLA: Why are we playing phone tag?

TACO: Because we can't reach each other. Duh.

WIFEZILLA: Cute.

TACO: Wanted to apologize.

WIFEZILLA: For what?

TACO: Smarting off at you this morning.

WIFEZILLA: Huh?

TACO: When you wanted me to contort myself down onto the couch and all. I realized I probably haven't ever told you how bad that shit hurts, so that was unfair.

WIFEZILLA: Oh. I didn't expect you to do that. I was just giving you shit.

TACO: Oh. I didn't realize that. I wind up feeling bad every time I tell you no.

WIFEZILLA: Well now you know.

TACO: Yeah.

WIFEZILLA: And knowing is half the battle.

TACO: Yeah.

WIFEZILLA: G. I. JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOE!

Local Legends Die

There was an old stump in my home town, not far from the house I did most of my growing up in, that they called The Witch's Tree. The stump was the stuff of local legend, and the legends were pretty colorful... the stump was supposed to be what remained of a tree that had been used for various Satanic rituals back in the day, and everything short of the H-bomb had failed to remove the damn thing from the field it sat in.

The reference librarian in my home town is a good friend of mine, and he's been looking for The Witch's Tree to take a photo for posterity's sake, since we figured it wasn't likely to last forever. He dragged a friend of ours who'd been out to see it before into the caper today. Alas, The Witch's Tree is no more. They burned it out a few years ago, it would seem.

Stories about the stump were a staple of my teen years. I feel somehow simultaneously relieved and saddened.

Bathroom Schadenfreude

I was at the urinal taking a piss today when one of the high-powered executives down the hall sprinted in and past me doing that rapid knock-kneed duckwalk some people do. Looked like a race to the finish. I had just mentally bet myself that he was executing The Move -- you know, when you run in and simultaneously hook the stall door with your elbow, loosen your belt, and launch yourself ass first at the toilet? It's a complex ballet that is all the more amazing for the inherent risk that, should any cog in the intricate machine misfire, you'll be shitting up your back -- when suddenly, from the stall, came a sound absolutely identical to the one you hear when you release an overinflated balloon and it flies around the room.

For just a second, I thought in alarm that the man was deflating. Then that thought sank in and I started to laugh. Hard.

I've got to find a brake pedal to slow my reactions down till my brain has had a chance to tell me they're a bad idea. Not that I'd probably stop reacting inappropriately to things, just, you know... I'd be an immature asshole on purpose.

Weekend in Review

Grimm called me tonight and we talked for a few hours. Traded short stories, promised to critique them and speak again later this week. Awesome.

Fridge broke. Can't seem to turn off whatever mechanism cools the inside. Fridge side is 20 degrees below freezing. Have to spend money fixing that shit. Sucks.

Had to drink the beer before the cans explode. That can totally happen. Awesome.

Watched Rise of the Lycans this weekend. It wasn't as bad as I'd read, but lacked the style of the first two (by which, yes, I do primarily mean Kate Beckinsale's rubber-clad ass), so it wasn't as fun a romp. Meh.

Wifezilla wanted hot wings so we went to Hooters today. Nom nom nom. Awesome.

Sent Superpowers back to the library. Started out good, but the more I read, the less interested I was. I think I poisoned myself by reading a review before I was done with it. Oh well.

Missed my Thursday night lineup on TV this week because I went to LOL with Enzo. I think the other guy there might be Enzo's new boyfriend, but I didn't ask. If so, he might be the first decent guy Enzo's dated in a long time. The opening act wasn't funny at all... so unfunny, in fact, that I felt sorry for the guy, which is pretty much the opposite direction from fun. The headliner was damn funny, though, so the night was saved overall. Yay.

Beat the main story of Brutal Legend. The single player story is pretty short, which is a bit of a letdown. Great story, though, and it's very fun and funny. The multiplayer mode apparently makes use of the RTS element of the story, which kinda sucks... while that stuff was fun, the console controllers don't lend themselves well to it, so it never really becomes easy or transparent to make people do what you want. Great game but not worth initial retail in the end, I think. Pick it up for sure but maybe wait till it hits the $30 rack. Oh well.

Finishing Lux the Poet now. Love Millar. This is the least good one I've read by him and it's still quite fun. Been too unfocused with my reading lately, and have several books going concurrently. Buckling down and getting that back down to one. Once I get done w/ Lux, I have to finish off the Andy Jack book I got. Win. Sorta.

I think that's more in the plus column than the minus. Calling the weekend a win overall. Yay.

I... think I love her.

TACO: blah blah blah

WIFEZILLA: [makes fun of Taco]

TACO: Are you making fun of me?

WIFEZILLA: Noooooooo.

TACO: Are you making fun of me again?

WIFEZILLA: ...yes.

xjc, yer yeller.

I love this error message so much it hurts.

OMG Me Too

Yesterday, we were driving to my folks' house for Sunday dinner and witnessed... well, I'm not sure exactly what we witnessed. As we were heading south out of Raleigh, a rather rotund man -- and one who made my fish-white belly look tan, I soon found out -- suddenly windmilled his duffel bag into the ground and ripped his shirt off, then went apeshit on one of those markers the phone company uses to indicate underground cables. Damn if he didn't hate that thing. He punched it a few times, stomped it into the ground, then grabbed it a bear hug and apparently tried to suplex it. It was... yeah. I tried to fish my cell phone out of my pocket so I could share with you guys, but I wasn't fast enough. Ah, well.

This morning, on my way into work, I was behind an SUV with the personalized plate: "LUV GINA." I waved and yelled, "OMG, ME TOO!" but I don't think they heard me. Again with the too slow cell phone. I need to keep the damn thing on the dash when I drive.

Almost called in sick today, but manned up and went in. Work was somewhat less craptacular than I expected.

My laptop came back in today. Looks like Apple fixed it all up. The LCD had some scuff marks on it when I bought it that I was never able to remove. They either knew how to clean them or put a new LCD in. Either way, I'm quite pleased. They also gave me a new battery even though it technically wasn't covered. The old one was beginning to discharge a little quicker (I hear it's a common problem in hard drives of a certain age [I hate me, Larry])... not too bad yet, but I was looking at replacing it soon. Free is always good. Very happy overall with my experience so far. Yay.

Tired of wrestling with my fantasy hockey settings. Dropped my goalie a week ago and can't get it to give me a new one. The docs are sparse, hard to find, and shitacular. Think I'm giving up on playing. Deleted the bookmark off all my computers today.

My arthritis has been a bit worse lately. Shit.

Back to reinstalling crap on my newly-returned laptop. World of Warcraft should be done installing any week now.

It's obvious, really.

I respectfully disagree, sirs.

The threshholds we cross.

Today I got to drop the "if you're too sick to stay at school, you're too sick to get out of bed for the rest of the day" line I so hated in my own childhood. It's the kind of periodic bastardy that makes being a parent fun, but also that makes you old.

And it lifts you up...

• Zombieland was awesome. So much yay.
• There's hope for my laptop. So much yay.
• Out of respect for the person's privacy, I'll keep my mouth shut, but I didn't promise not to go whoring for good vibes, so heads up, do whatever it is you do: cross fingers, pray, sacrifice an animal, masturbate for peace, punch a moron... whatever higher powers are currently at large will fill in the blank, I'm sure.
• Friend of ours has a very sick daughter (I've mentioned her before). Her daughter had a seizure today, during which I'm told she turned rather purple. The doctors offer no explanations for the seizure, citing normal readings all around.
• Same friend's sister has two children who are very poorly cared for. They both need medical attention due to the neglect (though they're doing rather better recently since our friend has been keeping them while their mother is in the damn county jail), and they suspect abuse. She tried to get help for the kids from social services today, but was ignored and hurried out of the building because "times are tough for everyone, I'm sure it's poverty, not neglect."
• If I ever run into my high school guidance counsellor, I am going to kick her ass for not telling me about this.
  
• There's a guy in California I got roped into working with a few years ago. To put it kindly, he's difficult, and I generally get little in the way of support other than "make it go away" whenever he comes a-callin'. He sent a very pointed, very nasty email out last week and copied half the damn world on it. I sent a rather pointed, more polite email back to the whole list and eventually got a backhanded apology. Momentarily got some backup that evaporated with the faux-apology. Sigh. Can't take much more of this.
  
• Got an interview at Deutsche Bank. The recruiter informs me that the hiring manager "is a real ballbuster." I don't mind intense and/or difficult interviews (they reflect well on the quality of the team I'm considering joining), but I don't respond well to dickheads who are abusive during interviews. We'll see which he is tomorrow, I guess. Bets on whether I slip and call them Douche Bank?
• Managed to master my low self-esteem long enough to mail my latest short story off to a magazine yesterday. The headrush that hit me when the envelope was irretrievably out of my hands just about brought me to my knees. Doing better now (though I suspect another nasty attack when the return envelope does its boomerang act into my mailbox). Need to start working on a new one now. Not really feeling the ones I have a grip on. Need to bullshit with somebody about one of the ones I'm more interested in doing but haven't fleshed out yet. Where's Coyote?
• I will shoot you SO HARD!
• Double tap.
• ...then it puts you down / and it feeds you life / then it lets you drown / while it holds your heart / then it slowly tears you apart

Of undead obsessions and birthdays

I'm very fortunate to have a family that humors my obsessions. Below is a photo of the early birthday gift my father-in-law (who rocks harder than anybody else's father-in-law. My word is law) gave me this evening.