Friday, November 28, 2008

Compromise

TACO: You really ought to read the book I'm reading now.

WIFEZILLA: The nymphos one?

TACO: Yeah. I'd offer to read it aloud but, you know, the kids.

WIFEZILLA: Well, if you ever went to bed at the same time as me.

TACO: I'd go to bed at the same time for a blow job. Every time. I went to bed with you.

WIFEZILLA: Every time?

TACO: Yeah.

WIFEZILLA: I'll meet you half way.

TACO: Deal.

WIFEZILLA: Okay.

TACO: I'd like the second half, please.

WIFEZILLA: ...

TACO: *laughs*

WIFEZILLA: This is going on your blog, isn't it?

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Fact is, I'm wonderful. Except for that one thing.

KIDZOOKIE: What are you doing?

TACO: Annoying your mom.

KIDZOOKIE: How?

TACO: Breathing.

KIDZOOKIE: Why does that annoy her?

TACO: She wants me dead.

KIDZOOKIE: No she doesn't!

TACO: Sure, she does.

KIDZOOKIE: Nuh uh! Why did she marry you, then?

TACO: Well, son, your mom makes bad decisions.

KIDZOOKIE: You're teasing me!

TACO: Yeah, I am. Fact of the matter is, I'm wonderful.

KIDZOOKIE: You're not wonderful. You talk about dookie!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Dear North Carolina...

Thank you for getting rid of Elizabeth Dole. I feel bad, though. I didn't get you anything.

Love,
-Taco