CotD: Twofer Tuesday Edition

Conversation the First:

TACO: [plays the Star Wars edition of Life with the kiddos]

GIRLZOOKIE: Dark side!

TACO: Here's another dark side token. You're turning into one evil little turd.

KIDZOOKIE: How about me?

TACO: You only have one dark side token. Your guy is just kinda rude.

KIDZOOKIE: Crap! Well, I'm going down the next Dark Side path. So I'll have two tokens.

TACO: Congratulations, you've upgraded to whiny and petulant.

KIDZOOKIE: This game sucks.

TACO: Excellent roleplay, Anakin.

KIDZOOKIE: Huh?



Conversation the Second:

TV: [plays some stupid shampoo commercial]

WIFEZILLA: [quoting stupid commercial to mock it] Does your hair feel as good as it looks?

TACO: I'm going bald.

WIFEZILLA: But does your hair feel as good as it looks?

TACO: I don't have much hair.

WIFEZILLA: [sigh] Fine. But does it feel as good as it looks?

TACO: It's falling out. It looks scared. My hairs are all like, "Oh, shit, I could be next." What does scared feel like?

WIFEZILLA: Dork.

Wild and ca-razy guys.

With respect to this piece of hawtness I found today:



TACO: Just FABULOUS.

BLUE: Scary

TACO: It makes me feel pretty!

BLUE: It would make the people around you nervous

TACO: Oh, sorry, I did't mean wearing it. I meant by comparison.

I am a pioneer in the exciting field of Shit Not To Say To Your Girl Ology

WIFE: How do you like my hair cut?

TACO: Cool, you got a celebrity hairdo.

WIFE: Oh? Which celebrity?

TACO: Derek Zoolander.

Mean Even for Me

TACO: All right, that's enough. You have to get up for school tomorrow.

KIDZOOKIE: Going to school on Saturday sucks.

TACO: Remember how you kept dancing around all week when school was canceled due to snow, and I said "you just wait until you have to go to school on Saturday"? Well, here you go.

KIDZOOKIE: Man. That was mean even for you.

Google: Are You Feeling Horny?

I've been meaning to post one of these for a while, but keep forgetting. I started using Google Voice a while ago, and I pretty much love all of its features... but in particular, I love the voicemail transcription. When someone leaves me voicemail, Google hops to work translating it into digital text, and then emails it to me and texts it to my phone.

One thing has become abundantly clear. Google doesn't know what the fuck my friends are saying. And it's awesome.

So:

What Google thinks my voicemail was: "Hey Taco, It's Brian called to see if you want to get together today. Give me a call for making breakfast. Right now [phone number removed] or 6 number which is that your number. Naked. Hey, [another phone number removed] Hi, [another number removed] . Talk to you later. Bye."

What my voicemail actually was: "Hey, Taco, this is Brian. Uh, called to see if you wanted to get together today. Um. Gimme a call. We're making breakfast right now. [insert phone number], or... Nick's number, which is... what's your number, Nick? [another phone number being yelled out from the background] Talk to you later. Bye."