The WoW goldfarmers are getting more aggressive.

Now they're advertising to me on my evening commute.

BA-DA-DA-DA-DAP!

KIDZOOKIE:  Do you know about the Jersey Devil?

TACO:  Oh, yeah, I know all about him.

KIDZOOKIE:  I learned about it today.  Know how he was created?

TACO:  Yeah, he was created in a genetics lab, but there was an accident.  The lab was destroyed and the Jersey Devil was presumed dead.  He drifted from town to town for several years before being sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit.  He promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.  Today, still wanted by the government, he survives as a soldier of fortune.  If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire the Jersey Devil.

KIDZOOKIE:  No, this lady had a baby with horns and wings and it flew out through the fireplace.

TACO:  Oh.

I feel you, brother.

Donner, table for two?

TACO: Just so you know, if the power goes out, I'm resorting to cannibalism.

KIDZOOKIE: You're not supposed to resort to cannibalism until the food runs out.

TACO: If I resort to cannibalism first, the food will last longer.

KIDZOOKIE: But I don't have to be refrigerated.

TACO: It's the snowpocalypse. I can just put anything I need refrigerated outside until the power comes back on.

KIDZOOKIE: Crap.

Push it real good.

NETFLIX STREAMING:  [Retrieving.]

WIFEZILLA:  Make it work!

TACO:  What do you want me to do?  Open up the wire and push the ones and zeroes myself?

WIFEZILLA:  Yes!

NETFLIX STREAMING:  [Plays for 5 minutes]
NETFLIX STREAMING:  [Retrieving.  AGAIN.]

WIFEZILLA:  Push the bits and bytes, Taco!

TACO:  I'll push the bits and bytes if you push my bits and bite.

WIFEZILLA:  Well aren't you funny.

Search Strings: January 2011 Edition

I haven't done one of these in a long time, because frankly, the search strings haven't been all that funny in a long time.  I have a reminder set at the beginning of every month, and every month I check it... but the search terms are generally just permutations on a few very bitter themes.

Really ought to do something about the tone of my posts, I suppose.

Also somebody is really really into Carl Sagan.  Which is awesome.  But probably very disappointing for him when he winds up here.

Anyway, this month's search string report made me laugh, so I had to share.

The usual... the usual... the usual... wait, what?

A Chain Unbroken

We were hanging out at my parents' house a lot over the holidays.  One night, my son was tired, overstimulated, and frankly, had spent too damn much time around too damn many people.  He mouthed off at somebody and stomped off to be by himself and cool down.

Dad shot me a smirk, and I made some remark to the effect of recognizing where he gets some of that charm.  I doubt that either of you who reads this will be particularly shocked by my assertion that I can occasionally (ha!) be somewhat surly and rude myself, particularly when I've gotten more of people than I can handle.

All right, I'm moody as fuck.

So anyway, at that point, Dad reminded me of a story he'd told me ages ago, which I'd nearly forgotten.  I dragged kidzookie back in immediately, so he could hear it from The Old Man himself.

The story takes place when Dad was a pretty little kid.  My grandmother was off at the hospital to give birth to my twin aunts.  Grandpop needed to do something with Dad, so he dropped him off with my great-grandfather.

My aunts were born at Christmas, so the typical decorations were about.  Dad, the story goes, was bored, and eventually figured out that by popping the glass orbs on the tree just right with his knuckles, he could shatter them.  Suddenly, he was much more entertained.

My great-grandfather watched Dad pop a few bulbs, then tried to stop the misbehavior with typical grandparently kindness:  he went over to Dad, and said, "Billy, if you break one more of those ornaments, Grandpop's not gonna like you any more."

Dad, I'm told, thought this over for a minute, popped another ornament, and told him, "I don't like you, either."